Notice To Desist

MEMORANDUM

FROM:	OSHA (Occupational Stuffie Health Administration)
TO:	Dennis’s Mama
RE:	Unacceptably High Stuffie Accidental Death & Dismemberment Rate

Dear Madam:

It has come to the attention of this agency that your organization has experienced a number of tragically avoidable stuffie deaths and dismemberments in the last several months, with causes including but not limited to:

• Unsafe wobble board operation
• Improper collection of caviar
• Moving furniture without proper safety equipment
• Operation of an unshielded industrial ceiling fan
• Inappropriate use of non-flying toys as flying toys on multiple occasions

Therefore we must insist and require that you shut down all toy-related operations until OSHA is able to perform a complete safety inspection of all aspects of your facility. All toys are herewith to be restricted to the toy box and neither given to dogs nor used as doorstops, braces, unpaid labor, pillows, cheap dates, “passengers” to get your car into the HOV lane, or crew members on risky scientific expeditions.

We will endeavor to perform our inspection in as timely a fashion as possible in order to minimize the impact to you and your dogs. According to our current inspection schedule, we anticipate that the inspector will be able to visit your facility some time between June 1 and October 31 of 2013. Please be available between these dates; failure to be present when the inspector arrives will result in fines and further delays in re-certifying you for the use of toys in your organization.

We apologize for any inconvenience.