EXILED

HELLO HUMAN SERVANTS, THIS IS TROUBLE THE KITTY. SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE HEARD RUMORS THAT I WAS DRIVEN OUT OF MY KINGDOM, ALSO KNOWN AS THE COUNTER IN THE GARAGE, BY A SWARM OF BEES. I AM NOW HOLDING A PRESS CONFERENCE TO ADDRESS THESE RUMORS.

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YES, SADLY, THE STORIES ARE TRUE. DURING LAST WEEK’S HEAT WAVE MY KINGDOM WAS INDEED INVADED BY BEES, AND MY HUMAN SERVANT DADA HAD TO COME IN THROUGH THE SWARM OF THEM AND CARRY ME TO SAFETY. I HAVE NOT REWARDED HIM FOR THIS BECAUSE SUCH SERVICES ARE EXPECTED FROM HUMAN SERVANTS.

DESPITE WHAT HAS BEEN SUGGESTED ELSEWHERE, THESE WERE NO ORDINARY BEES.  THEY WERE OBVIOUSLY SENT BY “SOMEONE” WHO WANTED ME OUT OF THE GARAGE SO THAT HE COULD TAKE IT OVER HIMSELF:

AFTER BEING ROUTED FROM MY LONGTIME ABODE, I SET UP A GOVERNMENT-IN-EXILE IN THE BATHROOM, WHERE (AS BEFITS SOMEONE OF MY STATURE) I HAD ALL THE COMFORTS OF HOME:

HOWEVER, I SOON GREW LONELY IN MY EXILE, SPENDING HOURS CALLING OUT FOR RESCUE, THE WAY I USED TO CALL MY SISTER POOH BEAR WHEN SHE FIRST WENT MISSING. EVENTUALLY I BEGAN TO LOSE MY GRIP ON REALITY. I AM TOLD I BEHAVED IN A STRANGE MANNER AND LAY DOWN IN INAPPROPRIATE PLACES, ALTHOUGH I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THESE EVENTS.

REALIZING THAT I HAD TO TAKE ACTION TO RECLAIM MY TERRITORY, I CALLED IN A FAVOR OWED TO ME FROM A LONG, LONG TIME AGO:

AND BROUGHT “SOMEONE’S” BEE ARMY TO HEEL:

NOT LONG AGO, WE SAW THAT OLD AGE AND CUNNING ALWAYS DEFEATS YOUTH AND EXUBERANCE. BE WARNED, “SOMEONE” AND “SOMEONE’S FRIENDS” — I AM AS OLD AND AS CUNNING AS YOU THREE PUT TOGETHER. PURR PURR PURR.

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